What a little bay mare taught me about being vs. doing

Every Sunday I volunteer at Lucky Clover Rescue in Waterford, WI. I help the other volunteers take care of the horses, ducks and chickens, and I always make a point to spend time with one of the horses there — she’s a little bay mare named Stella.

Over the past few months, I’ve been working on developing a relationship with Stella. I’ve been spending time in her pen with her, giving her scratches, grooming her, and picking up and cleaning her feet. Most recently I’ve been easing her into letting me put a halter on her.

I’ve been doing a lot of doing. I’m really good at doing.

Being….well, Stella had something to show me about that.

It was a cold, windy and rainy day. Stella and the other horses in her herd (and Fred the donkey) were all in the shelter and it was feeling a little crowded. I started "going to work" and grooming her like I usually do, and she kept wiggling away. So, I finally took the hint, gave the grooming a rest, and I just stood there with her.

I resisted the urge to "do" (it was so hard!) and every once in a while, she'd curl her head in towards me and gently rest her muzzle on my arm - she wasn't pushing, asking for, or doing anything. Just connecting, acknowledging and appreciating.

Then she'd let out a little sigh and straighten her neck and we'd go back to just standing together.

I felt like Stella was saying, “This is connection. It isn’t about doing. You don’t need to do things for me. Let’s just enjoy being together.”

Our friends don’t love us for what we do. They love us for who we are.

I swear, that little mare knows things.