Unlearn perfectionism. Reward the try.
I didn’t grow up a horse girl.
I first began learning to ride in my 40s — and I’ve picked up some thinking habits that don’t help me learn new skills with joy and curiosity.
I’m really hard on myself. No matter what I accomplish, no matter how far I come, it’s never quite enough.
I forget to appreciate what I’m getting right, and instead focus on what I got wrong and what I still need to fix.
I focus on problems, and I forget to celebrate all the very real progress I’m making every day.
I have a very strong habit of trying to judge and criticize my way to achievement. And it isn’t working for me. Why? I have an unhelpful belief that I can’t celebrate unless I get it perfect, and getting it perfect is a far way off - if it’s even attainable at all.
Instead of helping me get better at a skill — I always feel like I’m always falling short. This does not do wonders for my happiness, self esteem or motivation.
Can you relate? Do you have a super charged inner critic? Here is one way to disrupt your perfectionist habit. It’s a technique used in horse training called “reward the try.”
A few weeks ago I was doing a riding lesson and I asked my horse to trot. Instead of trotting, she came to a dead stop. She refused to move. So my riding instructor walked me through how to get her going again.
We didn’t ask for the trot. We couldn’t even get one step. So, I asked her for one step. When she gave me that one step, my riding instructor told me to praise her.
I thought, “For one step? Really?” But I did it.
Then I got another step. She got more praise. Eventually, my horse was unstuck and motivated — and we were trotting with ease.
My horse just needed some small wins and appreciation to get her moving again. She needed to feel like she was getting something right.
Are you feeling stuck and unmotivated? Maybe you’re trying to go too far too fast. And you’re probably forgetting to give yourself credit for all the amazing things you’re doing along the way. Break your big goal into smaller steps, and with each step, reward the try!
