The Power of Self Compassion
Inevitably during our journey through life, we experience setbacks and challenges. When this happens, how do you treat yourself? What are your thoughts about yourself and the situation you find yourself in?
Self-compassion is the act of extending kindness, understanding, and acceptance to ourselves, just as we would to a dear friend in need. This transformative practice not only nurtures our inner selves but also plays a significant role in improving our overall emotional wellbeing. Let's take a deeper look into the power of practicing self-compassion.
Kristin Neff states that there are three essential components of self compassion (Want more? Watch the video):
Kindness vs. Self Judgement: Kindness is active. When we are kind to ourselves, we actively seek to comfort, soothe and alleviate our suffering. We recognize we are hurting, we turn towards the hurt, we identify what we need in that moment to feel better, and we take action to ease our own suffering.
But often, instead of being kind to ourselves, we charge into the role of self critic. We judge ourselves. We come down on ourselves. We give ourselves a really hard time for having what is a completely natural, normal human experience — sometimes life goes “wrong” — which leads us to the next essential component of self compassion.
Common Humanity vs. Isolation: Here’s the truth. Everyone suffers. Everyone struggles. Everyone fails. But more often than not, when life gets hard, we forget this. We think we’re being singled out. We think that life is picking on us. But it isn’t. That’s what life is. Sometimes life goes wrong — for ALL OF US. Self compassion helps us recognize that there is nothing inherently wrong with us, or our lives, when we struggle. We all struggle. We all experience pain and disappointment. Remembering this leads us out of isolation and back to our common humanity. We remember we are not alone in our suffering. Everybody hurts.
Mindfulness vs. Over-identification: Where does mindfulness come into all this? Well, in order to attend to and alleviate our suffering through self compassion, we first need to become aware that we are suffering. So often, we are not aware of our suffering. Instead we get lost in the role of self critic, or we charge straight into problem solving mode. We think, “I have a problem! I don’t want to have a problem. The problem might say something bad about me. I need to fix the problem right now.”
We can do things differently. We can learn to turn towards our suffering and pain, feel it, acknowledge it, and care for it. Then we can move through whatever difficulty or challenge we are experiencing from a much calmer, more psychologically and emotionally balanced state of being. We make better choices for ourselves from that place.
In a world that often emphasizes self-criticism and external validation, practicing self-compassion is an essential tool for nurturing our emotional wellbeing. Through the practice of self compassion, we pave the way for personal growth and healing. By incorporating self-compassion into our daily lives, we embark on a transformative journey towards greater emotional wellbeing, paving the way for a more fulfilling and compassionate existence.
